A good friend of Marg’s recently commented that: “Ray always likes to exceed expectations” and I have certainly lived up to this reputation this week. Could it only have been 4 weeks ago that things were looking quite desperate? This week my skin colour has almost returned to normal and my appetite has also returned - eating normal sized small meals and even gained 2kgs. On Saturday night our whole family enjoyed a friend’s 18th birthday party – not getting home until 11.30pm. An evening of bush dancing - although my lack of strength precluded me from participating in the dancing, I enjoyed listening to the music. On Sunday, Marg and I went to the Theatre Royal in town to see the Woody Allen film “Midnight in Paris”. Of course, all of this is due to my being well on top of my pain and nausea management, and a bit of good old north of England determination and stubbornness.
Andrew is still with us – which only adds to my overall sense of well being. He has been fantastic keeping our garden in tip top condition and doing all those jobs I am no longer able to do.
Looking forward, more confidently now, to celebrating Christmas with my family at home. My other short term goal is the girls school Awards Night on Tuesday. Both are receiving Honours certificates as well as awards for music.
For obvious reasons we will not be sending out our usual Ollerton Family Christmas newsletter. So our Christmas good wishes are being sent to you all electronically this year.
Again we would all like to thank everyone for their prayers and good wishes during the year. Hopefully the blog site has kept you informed on how I have been progressing with my illness, but also letting you know some of the more joyful and celebratory parts of our family life. Even amongst our saddest moments, we can often celebrate something very special if we look for it. As we celebrate new life in all its fullness this New Year may you find a sense of peace, calm and wonderment in whatever you pursue.
Love and best wishes for a joyous Christmas ~ Ray, Marg, Andrew, Tahnee and Marli Ollerton

My doctor has finally got on top of my pain management and together with the radiation treatment my quality of life has improved dramatically since my last blog.
Eating fairly well - lots of small meals and sleeping reasonably well as most of the medicines are sedating. Spending my days reading, journalling, keeping in touch with family, enjoying my garden and resting. The weather is so beautiful at this time of the year and I'm able to sit outside on the decking and enjoy it!
It has been sensational having my son Andrew here from Perth. The last two evenings it has just been the 5 of us. Andrew has been working hard in my garden and cleaning out our shed - a job I had been planning to get around to for over 10 years.
Working towards small goals i.e. Marli's birthday on the 12th, our 20th wedding anniversary on the 14th and then Christmas.
The Palliative Care Nurses have also organised a wheelchair for me so I will be able to get out now and then. Used it last Saturday night to go down to our local Botanic Gardens with the family.
Thanks sincerely to all of you who read the blog and send prayers, best wishes and positive vibes out to me.

Last Friday I had a burst of palliative radiation that today (Monday) I can feel the positive affects of. The treatment has relieved major pressure of the tumor on my sacrum which carries nerves running down my left leg. Today, even though I am still fairly tired, the pain level is at zero - which is worth it's weight in gold. I even managed 10 minutes in the garden this morning, watering some pot plants - the first time I have been out of the house for 10 days (apart from the 2 trips to Bendigo Radiology).

Marg has stopped working now, and is staying home to care for me. My mum, Sheila, was also up last week to help out and do what mothers do best.

My son, Andrew, arrived from Perth this morning. It was quite an emotional reunion and it is wonderful to have him here.

A good friend of mine, Gordon, sent me a poem he wrote last week when my condition was quite serious. I want to share it with you all.

And I don't know .... anything!
Except, outside the sun is setting
And my friend is dying
And there is the white noise, Ray
The hush over the rhythm of the music,
We are the white noise behind it all
And outside the sun is setting
And young girls dancing,
And Life and Love and Music
And the music is white
And beautiful
And outside
The sun is setting.

Every day now is a day to be celebrated. Blessings to you all. Ray.

Unfortunately things have taken a turn for the worse. Last weekend I was quite sick with nausea and extreme pain, both which I couldn't seem to get under control.

My doctor has since prescribed a new level of pain management and anti-nausea relief. Taking my medication on a strict regime for the last 48 hours and things seem to be reasonably under control again.

The tumor in my sacrum (groin) is also compressing a large bunch of nerves - referring intense pain down my left leg and leaving me with a constant feeling of pins and needles - making it hard to walk. I certainly can't drive my car any more.

My doctor has referred me for some palliative radiotherapy for the sacrum tumor which will hopefully alleviate some of this pain.

I am reconciling the loss of my freedom - spending my days now lying on a mattress in the lounge room looking out at the bush surrounding our house when I'm not sleeping (which is a side affect of the stronger pain medication).

Marg and I receive graciously the way all of you are sending your love and prayers in many varied and different ways.

Dear Blog Readers

October has seen quite a change in my medical/physical condition. I started vomiting and dry retching, even though I was taking anti-nausea tablets. I have changed my diet and am eating very small amounts, but regularly and am now managing to keep my food down most of the time and only dry retching once or twice a day. I have lost around 6kgs.

I had a CT scan today and the scan confirmed what I had thought, that the liver is chock full of tumors and is slowly breaking down. One of the reasons for me being sick and nauseous has been the liver's inability to metabolise the bile salts in my body. The bile salts have been displaced into the pores of my skin, also making me extremely itchy. This seems to have moderated somewhat in the last week since I have been taking anti-histamines.

The last two weeks, I have had increasing pain in my buttock - of all places. The CT scan also confirmed I have a tumor in my sacrum. My GP has upped my medication to a slow release pain killer and that is helping.

My spirit is strong and I am still as cheeky as ever, stirring up the family at every opportunity! My days are spent doing very light duties in the morning and resting and reading in the afternoon.

Blessings to you all
Ray

Enjoyed a Spring Celebration on Saturday 24th September at the Barkers Creek Cricket Oval with 120 family and friends. We planned the day to celebrate Spring, life in all its fullness and in some ways it was my "Awake". I wanted to be a part of celebrating my life with the people who have encouraged and nurtured me over the years. Some friends and family were sorely missed, but they were with us in spirit. The day was filled with creative expression via music, art, poetry and good food.

My physical condition has deteriorated in the past couple of weeks. I am still able to get around the house, drive around to do errands etc. but have more of a wish to stay close to home and spend a lot of time resting on the couch. Pain levels have gone up although managed with medication. It is taking a while to moderate my nausea levels. I have 3 lots of anti-nausea medication. Each day is a new day. Can't let the physical side of my illness overpower me. I'm reading a lot, still catching up with good friends and grabbing the occasional shiatsu massage and gentle swim. Also listening to music is a great pleasure. I have enjoyed a couple of retrospective days playing my old vinyl LP's and have almost completed my biography.

It's been great having the girls around during the school holidays, watching them enjoying time with their friends. Enjoyed my birthday on 4th October with an evening meal with just the 4 of us at a local pub. Reaching 58 - another milestone passed. Marg and the girls have been very supportive and are aware of me needing spaces to rest. I'm keeping in touch with Palliative Care fortnightly. Although I only look one or two days ahead now, I am anticipating Marg and I celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary on 14th December.

Love to all and again your prayers and thoughts are much appreciated.
Ray

Had been feeling really well since my last blog, however things took a slight turn for the worse last Wednesday around lunch time. I felt faint and nauseous and headed off to the doctors for treatment. The nausea settled, but on Thursday pain levels increased in my chest and abdomen area. Taking maxalon tablets for the nausea and off to the doctors again tomorrow to look at pain management. I am breathing shallowly to minimise the pain in my chest however, it's not stopping me from spending time in the garden and continuing with volunteer work at the school and hospital.

Enjoyed a wonderful weekend with Marg after dropping Tahnee and Marli off at the airport to go to Perth to spend a week with their brother Andrew.
We continued onto Melbourne, staying in an apartment in Little Bourke Street in Chinatown for 2 nights. We enjoyed the Vic Markets, a movie at the Nova and the Tim Winton play "Rising Water" at the Playhouse and then dinner with friends on Saturday evening.

You would have been proud of us on Sunday morning reading the Sunday papers in bed and enjoying a large fruit platter before heading off to St. Paul's Cathedral for a choral communion service.

Faith still strong and determined and I have a walk planned with some friends this Friday and hopefully going to the West Coast/Collingwood game at the MCG on Saturday before picking the girls and Andrew up on Saturday night.

Thank you all for your kind and generous remarks and ongoing support of thoughts and prayers. They are very much appreciated.

Ray

Each day now is in some ways a hurdle to be leaped. Slowly and grudingly coming to terms with a shortened life. I have lost any focus on the future and am more concerned about each day's events, embracing that cliche "to live in the moment". Although saying that, two future dates I am looking forward to is December 14th - our 20th wedding anniversary and Christmas day with family.

I am feeling some soreness in my stomach - a bit like a stitch or digestive pain - and continuous very low nausea, but my resilience is strong and my faith remains active and alive and nurturing. I continue to see my supervisor and I'm enjoying a book club and my continuing relationship with men's group.

Also managing to do some volunteer work (2 hours a week) at the girl's secondary college supporting the welfare team, running a small program with half a dozen middle school boys. Also start delivering library books to hostel residents at the hospital next week. Can't keep me down!

My family continue to support me and cajole me in the never ending energy sapping experience of raising teenage children. Family life is great with sport, markets, school etc. etc. The girls are off to visit their brother in Perth in early September for a week. They want a week with their brother without parents, which frees Marg and I up to have some time together.
Continuing to write my biolography and I've taken an interest in my family's geneology. Continued support from close friends is sustaining.

Again thanks to all of you for your ongoing prayers and support.

Blessings
Ray

Went down to the Western General Hospital last Thursday to meet with Prof. Gibbs who gave us some not very good news.

The results of the latest CT scan show that the tumors in my liver have grown by approx. 1cm. This means I now come off the clinical trial. I have been referred back to Bendigo Oncology for further chemotherapy.

Marg and I felt pretty flat driving home. Although we expected this news, we were hoping it would be further into the future.

My prognosis now is 6-9 months. Prof. Gibbs did say that a combination of some new drugs plus Irinatekin (chemo) have helped some people in terms of extending life.

I am almost certain that I do not want to take part in any more chemo given it's debilitating effect. I am thinking that perhaps now is the time to continue to live every day as fully and creatively as I can and await my destiny.

Over the last 12 months my body has been assaulted by various drugs. I'm feeling like I can regain some dignity now in allowing my body to recover for a short while.

While I have been enjoying writing my biography and uploading photographs (thanks to Marg's comptuer skills) I feel more of a pressing need to try to get it finished.

Love and best wishes to you all.
Ray

A few photos of my journey:
In Barcelona's "Sagrada Familia" Basilica with some people I met
from the hostel I was staying in.







A quite beer after a 3 hour tour of Barcelona's "Old Quarter".

Cake and coffee, "...on Ilkley Moor" with Dad and walking on the Lancashire moors on a wet, windy day with my cousins and their son Toby

Been home for 5 days and recovered from jet lag. The flight from Singapore was three quarters empty so had the luxury of 3 seats to spread out on. Went straight to treatment the morning I arrived home, thanks to Jamo, a friend who ferried me from Tullamarine to Western General in Footscray. Holidays were wonderful. It's a different experience travelling alone compared to family hols and gave me time to sit with Dad for gentle times. I have been keen to ensure that I minimise regrets. One regret I didn't want was to get too sick to travel and then wish I had gone sooner to the UK. I possibly didn't need the anxiety of working in and around Dad's illness, but it left me satisfied knowing he has a support network and loving family around him. Dad and I were able to chat intimately about past times and future hopes. On my last day in the UK we visited his wife's (of 40 years) gravesite. It was quite moving watching this proud 82 year old man, flat cap in hand, resting on a cane, weeping gently and reflecting warmly on his relationship with her. Dad remarried after Mum and he separated in 1959.
Visits to world heritage sites, 900 year old monasteries and the northern England moors were amazing as were the five days in Barcelona experiencing Spanish culture and seeing something of Gaudi's genius. I left for Australia with mixed feelings, knowing it will probably be the last time I see my UK based family, but we were all emboldened and reassured that whatever happens in the future, the ongoing memories of our time together will sustain and comfort us all. Memories of people and experiences fade into the mists of time, but can be retrieved and relived. I feel all the better for my time with these special people. I am struggling to upload some photos to the blog, will do so soon with help from my 13 year old daughter Marli!!
Blessings to you all

I’m 16 days into my holiday and enjoying every moment. Mixing high energy touristy type days visiting abbeys and historical sites alongside quieter days of reading, walking and journaling. Dad is looking a lot weaker than when I saw him last year; the effects of the stroke are certainly showing. He needs a cane to walk and a wheelchair for longer journeys. He has lost 20% of his cognitive functioning and as an 82 year old Lancastrian, proud and determined, yet quietly struggling with his lot in life. We have had some great outings, the first since his stroke last August and enjoying some home cooking together.
The first weeks weather was cool, cloudy, around 15 degrees, took in a Premier league football game another one coming on the 14th May. Went for a lovely walk across part of the Darwen moors in drizzly rain, a stereotypical “moorish” day, then on to a country pub for a pint and a fish finger butty (read sandwich). Only in the north of England could you buy something like that! Fortunately the fish was home made crumbed whiting.
My trip to Barcelona was memorable, weather in the mid to high 20s. The "Sagrada Familia" Basilica was a vision, an architectural wonder of the modern era, construction began in 1884 by Antonio Gaudi and due for completion in 2030 (google it). Paella, some Moorish architecture, stories about Hemingway and Picasso’s legacy everywhere. Stayed in a youth hostel and met some delightful people from all over the world. Cooked gazpacho and grilled vegetables for the hostel one evening and sipped Cava, Spanish champagne. Visited a winery and took a train ride into the countryside, eating peaches warmed in the Spanish sun and tomatoes that were warm and succulent. Drank a coffee with 4 old Spanish men, we used universal nods and smiles to convey a sense of generosity and friendship. Walked and walked around Roman ruins, aging buildings, read about Catalan history and walked in the Pyrenees with snow still on the ground.
Came back from Spain on Friday 13th to a wet, cold day in Manchester. Spending warm moments with my cousins, two of them have new, unused pasta machines. Am about to change that! We are having a cooking class on Wednesday evening making potatoe gnocchi, pasta and Tart Tatin (fancy French for apple tart).
This week spent in Blackpool. Went for a walk along the promenade last evening. It was blowing a gale and wind chill was 4 degrees, brisk and enjoyable though. Off bowling with Dad tomorrow and lunch with his mate of 50 years. On thursday we are off to visit Fountains abbey, a world heritage site in Yorkshire and Friday travelling to Birmingham to visit my sister and her family for the weekend. Departing the UK on the 24th and back on the 26th straight to Western General for treatment.
This post is only a part description of my experience here, many more stories to share. My thanks to you all and gratitude for your constant prayers, best wishes and support over the last months. Sitting with my Dad at the football, I had a tear or two in my eye, thankful that I have managed to fulfil a couple of "bucket list" wishes. One was to see Manchester Utd play (Dad's team). That realised, I will embrace him next Tuesday, perhaps for the last time knowing that our time together, although short was rich, endearing and blessed.
Blessings
RayO

Went for my 6-weekly CT scan last Monday. The tumors have stabilished. I feel as if it is the second of 3 phases, first phase being significant reduction of the tumors, then a stabilising period followed by the tumors regrowing. Asking the questions "how long before the third phase?" is like asking how long is a piece of string?

Continuing with the clinical trial although the specialists have reduced the drug amount by 25%. The side-affects were quite aggressive on my face and toes and toe nails. Since this reduction, the effects have moderated. I say to people that my face isn't the best when they ask how I am which leaves the door open for remarks like "tell me something I don't know"!

Saying all that though, I am in very good health, sleeping and eating well and getting lots of exercise. Went for a walk in the King Lake National Park a few weeks ago with the 3 friends I did the Oxfam 100km trail walk with to celebrate the 3year anniversary of doing that walk.

Going to Taree (3 hours north of Sydney) with Marg's family for Easter before heading back to Victoria. Then heading off to the UK on 28th April (in between treatments). Will be gone for the month of May visiting my father in Lancashire who had a serious stroke last year. Looking forward to spending some time with him. Have also managed to get a ticket to a Manchester United vs Blackburn football (soccer for the Aussies) game.

I have been enjoying my reading, catching up with friends and quiet spaces.
All the best to all of you who send out your prayers and positive "vibes" to me.

Blessings Ray

Yes! We breath a little easier again. Results from the scan Ray had last Monday were again good - with a reduction in the tumors of about 30% this time. Next scan in 6 weeks time.

While in this positive frame of mind allow me to regale you with a lovely Aussie tale:

A couple of weeks ago, Marli woke to the amazing sight of an emu staring at her through her bedroom window. Of course by the time she called us into her room, it had disappeared. Throughout the morning we all sighted the emu on separate occasions, and every time we called one another, it had disappeared. Later that morning, a friend from Melbourne, who was coming up to have lunch with Ray told him she'd just had the most amazing experience of an emu running across her path as she drove up the road. Over the next two weeks, we heard stories from various neighbours (and of course I'm talking 2kms each direction of our driveway) having sighted this emu. We're hoping he's still happily running around out there.

Hope you're all well and happy.

Blessings
Marg, Ray, Tahnee & Marli

Ray's results from the CT scan on Monday were very good - the tumors have halved in size. The doctor thought this was excellent given Ray has only had 2 treatments and a month off (he missed a treatment while we were away over the Christmas/New Year break).

Of course, the drug is not a cure and at some stage (like the chemo) it will stop working. Statistically this is about 6 months - after which time the tumors could stabilise for a while before not responding any longer. So here's hoping and praying that Ray outdoes the statistics!

Hope you are all well and enjoying the start of the new year.

Having a wonderful Christmas/New Year in Sydney. NSW for me is synonymous with warm balmy weather, lazy days filled with good food and family games. Marg and I travelled up to The Entrance on New Year's day with Grandma and the 4 kids to visit my sister Pat, her husband Steve and my mother, Sheila enjoying a BBQ and a swim at the beach.
Marg's family and ours travelled to Leura in the Blue Mts on the 3rd Jan. for 5 days to stay in a large rented holiday house sitting on the escarpment overlooking the magnificent Jameson Valley only a couple of clicks from the "Three Sisters" at Echo Pt. The temperature here, at 1000 metres was in the mid teens with lots of misty rain interspersed with sunny periods. Uncle Ian and I nicknamed the "Blind Dudes" took on all comers in a family badminton knockout finishing unbeaten winning the coveted prize of $20. The young ones deeply disturbed that the oldies prevailed against all the odds. I have regained my walking "mojo" for the first time in 18 months. During that time I was unmotivated given a long period of feeling nauseous, dry reaching when undertaking even minimal exercise. I'm surprising myself with daily, often strenuous bush walks through glorious country teeming with wild life; red wattle birds, eastern whip birds, honey eaters and dozens of differents parrots. The wildflowers have to be seen to be believed.
Marg and I had two wonderful experiences on the same walk early one morning; 2 pairs of lyrebirds walked right past within a metre of us. In all my years of walking I could count on 1 hand the number of times I have seen a lyrebird, let alone have them come close enough to touch. The Blue Mts. are a sight to behold, having profound spiritual importance for the local aboriginal clan, you can understand why when you see the rugged terrain, different coloured sandstones and read something of the geographical history of the place. Walking around these mountains leaves me feeling quite small in the whole scheme of things.

We all arrived back in Epping at Pam and Ian's after watching the final nail in the "Ashes" coffin. I have mixed emotions after many years (especially the 70's & 80's) of watching the Pom's consistently humiliated. Maybe it's good in the long run for Aussie cricket, balancing the books so to speak!
Enjoying a family dinner out at a local Chinese restaurant tonight, a visit to the pictures to see "The King's Speech" before picking up my Auntie at the airport tomorrow morning. Auntie Margaret has travelled from England via California to spend a week in Sydney with different family members. Driving up to Canberra on the 8th for 3 days and then home to Castlemaine on the 11th.
I'm feeling really good physically at the moment. My scalp has stopped itching and the rash on my face and torso has all but cleared up. Apart from very dry (facial) skin, my body is handling the trial drug (certuximab) well.

Blessings to you all and sincerely hoping you are finding some satisfaction in your life experiences?
Take good care of yourself
Regards
Ray