I have been very mindful lately that my core body strength is diminishing and even though my mind is telling me "I can do this", my body is not allowing me. For instance, we went to Bendigo to the movies on Saturday with 3 friends and then on to an Indian restaurant for dinner. We couldn't get parking near the restaurant so ended up walking 2 blocks, which was a considerable strain for me and I ended up paying for it the next day.

My feet are quite swollen now with excess fluid caused from a combination of my organs not working as well and lack of exercise. The very hot weather hasn't helped. Marg gives me a foot massage each day to try and help reduce the swelling. My stomach is also quite distended and very hard with the tumors.

Spending a lot of time seated in the lounge room reading and snoozing. The medication is continuing to have quite an affect on my day, but it is still keeping the nausea and pain at bay. Marg has gone back to work, tentatively, 3 days a week and I managed to make a steak bernaise with roast vegies for dinner tonight. I'm really appreciating the effort to cook a pleasant meal for the family - even if it takes me 3 times as long as it used to.

The girls start back at school next week, so we are gearing up for that. Sheila (my mum) will come up Mondays and Tuesdays to give us a hand.

Blessings to you all
Ray

Had a wonderful Christmas day with 10 family members here at home - we all mucked in for a prawn and salad lunch followed by a more traditional Christmas dinner later in the day. In the evening we flamed the Christmas pudding. The warmer weather meant some of us did some good old Aussie activities like swimming in the dam and catching yabbies.

I got up early on Boxing Day and cooked ham, eggs and hollandaise sauce for everyone, then the women-folk took off to the Boxing Day sales in Bendigo while the men stopped home and watched the Boxing Day Test.

Also enjoyed a very pleasant New Year's eve, firstly with some friends who had hired a B&B just out of town for the night - the attraction being a large heated spa which overlooked the hills and surrounding countryside. We then went on to some other friends (also our neighbours), who had invited us to their place for a swim in their pool and a BBQ dinner. I surprised myself and everyone else by staying up until 1.30am.

The last 4 weeks, my health seems to have improved immensely. I have no muscle strength and struggle to negotiate any more than 2 or 3 stairs at a time without assistance and can only do the simplest and easiest of tasks now, but I'm eating and sleeping very well and have regained some colour in my skin. There is no pain or nausea at the moment although I can feel the tumors enlarging and hardening in my stomach. My left leg is quite numb at times due to the compression of the nerves from a secondary tumor in my sacrum. I manage walking quite well, but sometimes need the aid of a walking cane.

At the end of the day it's all about quality of life and although I sometimes feel quite sedated with the affects of the drugs, I continue to enjoy the luxury of a normal family day.

As I have been feeling much better, Andrew (my son) decided to go home on New Years day to reconnect with his life in Perth and take care of his home maintenance and gardening business. He did an extraordinary job in looking after our property while he was here.

My next goal is a Men's Group get together on the 17th January and the wedding of a friend's daughter on the 21st January.

My prayers and best wishes to you all. Hopefully you manage to find some peace in all your deliberations as you enter 2012.

Ray

A good friend of Marg’s recently commented that: “Ray always likes to exceed expectations” and I have certainly lived up to this reputation this week. Could it only have been 4 weeks ago that things were looking quite desperate? This week my skin colour has almost returned to normal and my appetite has also returned - eating normal sized small meals and even gained 2kgs. On Saturday night our whole family enjoyed a friend’s 18th birthday party – not getting home until 11.30pm. An evening of bush dancing - although my lack of strength precluded me from participating in the dancing, I enjoyed listening to the music. On Sunday, Marg and I went to the Theatre Royal in town to see the Woody Allen film “Midnight in Paris”. Of course, all of this is due to my being well on top of my pain and nausea management, and a bit of good old north of England determination and stubbornness.
Andrew is still with us – which only adds to my overall sense of well being. He has been fantastic keeping our garden in tip top condition and doing all those jobs I am no longer able to do.
Looking forward, more confidently now, to celebrating Christmas with my family at home. My other short term goal is the girls school Awards Night on Tuesday. Both are receiving Honours certificates as well as awards for music.
For obvious reasons we will not be sending out our usual Ollerton Family Christmas newsletter. So our Christmas good wishes are being sent to you all electronically this year.
Again we would all like to thank everyone for their prayers and good wishes during the year. Hopefully the blog site has kept you informed on how I have been progressing with my illness, but also letting you know some of the more joyful and celebratory parts of our family life. Even amongst our saddest moments, we can often celebrate something very special if we look for it. As we celebrate new life in all its fullness this New Year may you find a sense of peace, calm and wonderment in whatever you pursue.
Love and best wishes for a joyous Christmas ~ Ray, Marg, Andrew, Tahnee and Marli Ollerton

My doctor has finally got on top of my pain management and together with the radiation treatment my quality of life has improved dramatically since my last blog.
Eating fairly well - lots of small meals and sleeping reasonably well as most of the medicines are sedating. Spending my days reading, journalling, keeping in touch with family, enjoying my garden and resting. The weather is so beautiful at this time of the year and I'm able to sit outside on the decking and enjoy it!
It has been sensational having my son Andrew here from Perth. The last two evenings it has just been the 5 of us. Andrew has been working hard in my garden and cleaning out our shed - a job I had been planning to get around to for over 10 years.
Working towards small goals i.e. Marli's birthday on the 12th, our 20th wedding anniversary on the 14th and then Christmas.
The Palliative Care Nurses have also organised a wheelchair for me so I will be able to get out now and then. Used it last Saturday night to go down to our local Botanic Gardens with the family.
Thanks sincerely to all of you who read the blog and send prayers, best wishes and positive vibes out to me.

Last Friday I had a burst of palliative radiation that today (Monday) I can feel the positive affects of. The treatment has relieved major pressure of the tumor on my sacrum which carries nerves running down my left leg. Today, even though I am still fairly tired, the pain level is at zero - which is worth it's weight in gold. I even managed 10 minutes in the garden this morning, watering some pot plants - the first time I have been out of the house for 10 days (apart from the 2 trips to Bendigo Radiology).

Marg has stopped working now, and is staying home to care for me. My mum, Sheila, was also up last week to help out and do what mothers do best.

My son, Andrew, arrived from Perth this morning. It was quite an emotional reunion and it is wonderful to have him here.

A good friend of mine, Gordon, sent me a poem he wrote last week when my condition was quite serious. I want to share it with you all.

And I don't know .... anything!
Except, outside the sun is setting
And my friend is dying
And there is the white noise, Ray
The hush over the rhythm of the music,
We are the white noise behind it all
And outside the sun is setting
And young girls dancing,
And Life and Love and Music
And the music is white
And beautiful
And outside
The sun is setting.

Every day now is a day to be celebrated. Blessings to you all. Ray.

Unfortunately things have taken a turn for the worse. Last weekend I was quite sick with nausea and extreme pain, both which I couldn't seem to get under control.

My doctor has since prescribed a new level of pain management and anti-nausea relief. Taking my medication on a strict regime for the last 48 hours and things seem to be reasonably under control again.

The tumor in my sacrum (groin) is also compressing a large bunch of nerves - referring intense pain down my left leg and leaving me with a constant feeling of pins and needles - making it hard to walk. I certainly can't drive my car any more.

My doctor has referred me for some palliative radiotherapy for the sacrum tumor which will hopefully alleviate some of this pain.

I am reconciling the loss of my freedom - spending my days now lying on a mattress in the lounge room looking out at the bush surrounding our house when I'm not sleeping (which is a side affect of the stronger pain medication).

Marg and I receive graciously the way all of you are sending your love and prayers in many varied and different ways.

Dear Blog Readers

October has seen quite a change in my medical/physical condition. I started vomiting and dry retching, even though I was taking anti-nausea tablets. I have changed my diet and am eating very small amounts, but regularly and am now managing to keep my food down most of the time and only dry retching once or twice a day. I have lost around 6kgs.

I had a CT scan today and the scan confirmed what I had thought, that the liver is chock full of tumors and is slowly breaking down. One of the reasons for me being sick and nauseous has been the liver's inability to metabolise the bile salts in my body. The bile salts have been displaced into the pores of my skin, also making me extremely itchy. This seems to have moderated somewhat in the last week since I have been taking anti-histamines.

The last two weeks, I have had increasing pain in my buttock - of all places. The CT scan also confirmed I have a tumor in my sacrum. My GP has upped my medication to a slow release pain killer and that is helping.

My spirit is strong and I am still as cheeky as ever, stirring up the family at every opportunity! My days are spent doing very light duties in the morning and resting and reading in the afternoon.

Blessings to you all
Ray