My core body strength has deteriorated now to the point that I cannot walk without another person (or even 2) assisting me. KISS. The morphine makes me drowsy and at times hallucinatory and I have been caught out saying some things that make no sense at all - at which we all laugh about. I can still manage a good jibe and joke.

Apart from that, the sun is shining today after some torrential (but welcome) rain the last couple of days and all is well in my world.

Love Ray

Have just spent 2 nights in hospital as the pain had become unmanageable again using just the oral morphine. I am now on a morphine pump, which has helped tremendously, but at times, I still need extra morphine - especially during the day. Marg has been shown how to administer the extra morphine when I need it - which means she (or someone else) has to be with me 24 hours a day. To help her in this role, and give her some time to be able to do other things, our good friend Sue (who is a nurse) has volunteered to be the other person who stays with me.

In many ways, this is an acceptance of the journey that we chose many months ago - as my body deteriorates, I am now putting in place my support team. The palliative care team has been wonderful and has organised a special recliner chair and hospital bed for me at home. I still want to use my own bed at night - but the hospital bed is great as a day bed as it allows me to elevate my legs at the proper angle and, as a result, the fluid retention I had in my feet and legs has now deccreased.

Having the constant stream of morphine going into my body makes me even drowsier than I was before so if I am unable to take your calls when you ring, please understand that it's not because I don't want to talk to you.

Blessings to you all
Ray - also Marg, Tahnee, Marli & Andrew

On reflection, my bowel cancer seems to work at two levels - one, the illness is quite visual - as my body progressively debilitates, e.g. my stomach is distending as the tumors are growing physically quite large and noticeable and I am losing body tissue.

The second part of the illness is what I call the 'creeping effect'. That is, very slowly and all so gradually I feel myself weakening, but the affects each day are extremely minimal, but nontheless cumulative. For instance over the last month, I had thought it would be all right to walk by myself without a cane, but my second fall, within as many weeks, has proven that I cannot walk without assistance now (a little bit of stubborness involved here too).

Being famously supported by my family and a small and intimate number of friends.

Despite the above, enjoyed a wonderful concert last Thursday at the local Anglican Church listening to two classical guitarists - Leonard and Slavo Grigorian. Two weeks before that ventured down to Melbourne for the first time in over 3 months to see the MTC production of "Summer of the Seventeenth Doll". So in amongst all my tiredness and so-called debilitation I am still managing to enjoy some special outings.

Apart from the occasional mid-30 day, I have been enjoying the fine weather watching the honeyeaters and other local birds flitting in and out of the bird bath in our garden; developing from fledglings into adulthood.

Still journalling and, once a week, a close friend comes up with his video camera to spend 10 minutes recording some of my reflections. Hopefully a legacy for my family in years to come.

Thank you for the many emails, cards and letters I have and continue to receive. It would be a daunting task for me to answer them all, but please know that I am deeply grateful and thankful for all the prayers, personal stories and best wishes you send my way.

Love and best wishes
Ray

I have been very mindful lately that my core body strength is diminishing and even though my mind is telling me "I can do this", my body is not allowing me. For instance, we went to Bendigo to the movies on Saturday with 3 friends and then on to an Indian restaurant for dinner. We couldn't get parking near the restaurant so ended up walking 2 blocks, which was a considerable strain for me and I ended up paying for it the next day.

My feet are quite swollen now with excess fluid caused from a combination of my organs not working as well and lack of exercise. The very hot weather hasn't helped. Marg gives me a foot massage each day to try and help reduce the swelling. My stomach is also quite distended and very hard with the tumors.

Spending a lot of time seated in the lounge room reading and snoozing. The medication is continuing to have quite an affect on my day, but it is still keeping the nausea and pain at bay. Marg has gone back to work, tentatively, 3 days a week and I managed to make a steak bernaise with roast vegies for dinner tonight. I'm really appreciating the effort to cook a pleasant meal for the family - even if it takes me 3 times as long as it used to.

The girls start back at school next week, so we are gearing up for that. Sheila (my mum) will come up Mondays and Tuesdays to give us a hand.

Blessings to you all
Ray

Had a wonderful Christmas day with 10 family members here at home - we all mucked in for a prawn and salad lunch followed by a more traditional Christmas dinner later in the day. In the evening we flamed the Christmas pudding. The warmer weather meant some of us did some good old Aussie activities like swimming in the dam and catching yabbies.

I got up early on Boxing Day and cooked ham, eggs and hollandaise sauce for everyone, then the women-folk took off to the Boxing Day sales in Bendigo while the men stopped home and watched the Boxing Day Test.

Also enjoyed a very pleasant New Year's eve, firstly with some friends who had hired a B&B just out of town for the night - the attraction being a large heated spa which overlooked the hills and surrounding countryside. We then went on to some other friends (also our neighbours), who had invited us to their place for a swim in their pool and a BBQ dinner. I surprised myself and everyone else by staying up until 1.30am.

The last 4 weeks, my health seems to have improved immensely. I have no muscle strength and struggle to negotiate any more than 2 or 3 stairs at a time without assistance and can only do the simplest and easiest of tasks now, but I'm eating and sleeping very well and have regained some colour in my skin. There is no pain or nausea at the moment although I can feel the tumors enlarging and hardening in my stomach. My left leg is quite numb at times due to the compression of the nerves from a secondary tumor in my sacrum. I manage walking quite well, but sometimes need the aid of a walking cane.

At the end of the day it's all about quality of life and although I sometimes feel quite sedated with the affects of the drugs, I continue to enjoy the luxury of a normal family day.

As I have been feeling much better, Andrew (my son) decided to go home on New Years day to reconnect with his life in Perth and take care of his home maintenance and gardening business. He did an extraordinary job in looking after our property while he was here.

My next goal is a Men's Group get together on the 17th January and the wedding of a friend's daughter on the 21st January.

My prayers and best wishes to you all. Hopefully you manage to find some peace in all your deliberations as you enter 2012.

Ray

A good friend of Marg’s recently commented that: “Ray always likes to exceed expectations” and I have certainly lived up to this reputation this week. Could it only have been 4 weeks ago that things were looking quite desperate? This week my skin colour has almost returned to normal and my appetite has also returned - eating normal sized small meals and even gained 2kgs. On Saturday night our whole family enjoyed a friend’s 18th birthday party – not getting home until 11.30pm. An evening of bush dancing - although my lack of strength precluded me from participating in the dancing, I enjoyed listening to the music. On Sunday, Marg and I went to the Theatre Royal in town to see the Woody Allen film “Midnight in Paris”. Of course, all of this is due to my being well on top of my pain and nausea management, and a bit of good old north of England determination and stubbornness.
Andrew is still with us – which only adds to my overall sense of well being. He has been fantastic keeping our garden in tip top condition and doing all those jobs I am no longer able to do.
Looking forward, more confidently now, to celebrating Christmas with my family at home. My other short term goal is the girls school Awards Night on Tuesday. Both are receiving Honours certificates as well as awards for music.
For obvious reasons we will not be sending out our usual Ollerton Family Christmas newsletter. So our Christmas good wishes are being sent to you all electronically this year.
Again we would all like to thank everyone for their prayers and good wishes during the year. Hopefully the blog site has kept you informed on how I have been progressing with my illness, but also letting you know some of the more joyful and celebratory parts of our family life. Even amongst our saddest moments, we can often celebrate something very special if we look for it. As we celebrate new life in all its fullness this New Year may you find a sense of peace, calm and wonderment in whatever you pursue.
Love and best wishes for a joyous Christmas ~ Ray, Marg, Andrew, Tahnee and Marli Ollerton

My doctor has finally got on top of my pain management and together with the radiation treatment my quality of life has improved dramatically since my last blog.
Eating fairly well - lots of small meals and sleeping reasonably well as most of the medicines are sedating. Spending my days reading, journalling, keeping in touch with family, enjoying my garden and resting. The weather is so beautiful at this time of the year and I'm able to sit outside on the decking and enjoy it!
It has been sensational having my son Andrew here from Perth. The last two evenings it has just been the 5 of us. Andrew has been working hard in my garden and cleaning out our shed - a job I had been planning to get around to for over 10 years.
Working towards small goals i.e. Marli's birthday on the 12th, our 20th wedding anniversary on the 14th and then Christmas.
The Palliative Care Nurses have also organised a wheelchair for me so I will be able to get out now and then. Used it last Saturday night to go down to our local Botanic Gardens with the family.
Thanks sincerely to all of you who read the blog and send prayers, best wishes and positive vibes out to me.