Enjoyed a Spring Celebration on Saturday 24th September at the Barkers Creek Cricket Oval with 120 family and friends. We planned the day to celebrate Spring, life in all its fullness and in some ways it was my "Awake". I wanted to be a part of celebrating my life with the people who have encouraged and nurtured me over the years. Some friends and family were sorely missed, but they were with us in spirit. The day was filled with creative expression via music, art, poetry and good food.

My physical condition has deteriorated in the past couple of weeks. I am still able to get around the house, drive around to do errands etc. but have more of a wish to stay close to home and spend a lot of time resting on the couch. Pain levels have gone up although managed with medication. It is taking a while to moderate my nausea levels. I have 3 lots of anti-nausea medication. Each day is a new day. Can't let the physical side of my illness overpower me. I'm reading a lot, still catching up with good friends and grabbing the occasional shiatsu massage and gentle swim. Also listening to music is a great pleasure. I have enjoyed a couple of retrospective days playing my old vinyl LP's and have almost completed my biography.

It's been great having the girls around during the school holidays, watching them enjoying time with their friends. Enjoyed my birthday on 4th October with an evening meal with just the 4 of us at a local pub. Reaching 58 - another milestone passed. Marg and the girls have been very supportive and are aware of me needing spaces to rest. I'm keeping in touch with Palliative Care fortnightly. Although I only look one or two days ahead now, I am anticipating Marg and I celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary on 14th December.

Love to all and again your prayers and thoughts are much appreciated.
Ray

Had been feeling really well since my last blog, however things took a slight turn for the worse last Wednesday around lunch time. I felt faint and nauseous and headed off to the doctors for treatment. The nausea settled, but on Thursday pain levels increased in my chest and abdomen area. Taking maxalon tablets for the nausea and off to the doctors again tomorrow to look at pain management. I am breathing shallowly to minimise the pain in my chest however, it's not stopping me from spending time in the garden and continuing with volunteer work at the school and hospital.

Enjoyed a wonderful weekend with Marg after dropping Tahnee and Marli off at the airport to go to Perth to spend a week with their brother Andrew.
We continued onto Melbourne, staying in an apartment in Little Bourke Street in Chinatown for 2 nights. We enjoyed the Vic Markets, a movie at the Nova and the Tim Winton play "Rising Water" at the Playhouse and then dinner with friends on Saturday evening.

You would have been proud of us on Sunday morning reading the Sunday papers in bed and enjoying a large fruit platter before heading off to St. Paul's Cathedral for a choral communion service.

Faith still strong and determined and I have a walk planned with some friends this Friday and hopefully going to the West Coast/Collingwood game at the MCG on Saturday before picking the girls and Andrew up on Saturday night.

Thank you all for your kind and generous remarks and ongoing support of thoughts and prayers. They are very much appreciated.

Ray

Each day now is in some ways a hurdle to be leaped. Slowly and grudingly coming to terms with a shortened life. I have lost any focus on the future and am more concerned about each day's events, embracing that cliche "to live in the moment". Although saying that, two future dates I am looking forward to is December 14th - our 20th wedding anniversary and Christmas day with family.

I am feeling some soreness in my stomach - a bit like a stitch or digestive pain - and continuous very low nausea, but my resilience is strong and my faith remains active and alive and nurturing. I continue to see my supervisor and I'm enjoying a book club and my continuing relationship with men's group.

Also managing to do some volunteer work (2 hours a week) at the girl's secondary college supporting the welfare team, running a small program with half a dozen middle school boys. Also start delivering library books to hostel residents at the hospital next week. Can't keep me down!

My family continue to support me and cajole me in the never ending energy sapping experience of raising teenage children. Family life is great with sport, markets, school etc. etc. The girls are off to visit their brother in Perth in early September for a week. They want a week with their brother without parents, which frees Marg and I up to have some time together.
Continuing to write my biolography and I've taken an interest in my family's geneology. Continued support from close friends is sustaining.

Again thanks to all of you for your ongoing prayers and support.

Blessings
Ray

Went down to the Western General Hospital last Thursday to meet with Prof. Gibbs who gave us some not very good news.

The results of the latest CT scan show that the tumors in my liver have grown by approx. 1cm. This means I now come off the clinical trial. I have been referred back to Bendigo Oncology for further chemotherapy.

Marg and I felt pretty flat driving home. Although we expected this news, we were hoping it would be further into the future.

My prognosis now is 6-9 months. Prof. Gibbs did say that a combination of some new drugs plus Irinatekin (chemo) have helped some people in terms of extending life.

I am almost certain that I do not want to take part in any more chemo given it's debilitating effect. I am thinking that perhaps now is the time to continue to live every day as fully and creatively as I can and await my destiny.

Over the last 12 months my body has been assaulted by various drugs. I'm feeling like I can regain some dignity now in allowing my body to recover for a short while.

While I have been enjoying writing my biography and uploading photographs (thanks to Marg's comptuer skills) I feel more of a pressing need to try to get it finished.

Love and best wishes to you all.
Ray

A few photos of my journey:
In Barcelona's "Sagrada Familia" Basilica with some people I met
from the hostel I was staying in.







A quite beer after a 3 hour tour of Barcelona's "Old Quarter".

Cake and coffee, "...on Ilkley Moor" with Dad and walking on the Lancashire moors on a wet, windy day with my cousins and their son Toby

Been home for 5 days and recovered from jet lag. The flight from Singapore was three quarters empty so had the luxury of 3 seats to spread out on. Went straight to treatment the morning I arrived home, thanks to Jamo, a friend who ferried me from Tullamarine to Western General in Footscray. Holidays were wonderful. It's a different experience travelling alone compared to family hols and gave me time to sit with Dad for gentle times. I have been keen to ensure that I minimise regrets. One regret I didn't want was to get too sick to travel and then wish I had gone sooner to the UK. I possibly didn't need the anxiety of working in and around Dad's illness, but it left me satisfied knowing he has a support network and loving family around him. Dad and I were able to chat intimately about past times and future hopes. On my last day in the UK we visited his wife's (of 40 years) gravesite. It was quite moving watching this proud 82 year old man, flat cap in hand, resting on a cane, weeping gently and reflecting warmly on his relationship with her. Dad remarried after Mum and he separated in 1959.
Visits to world heritage sites, 900 year old monasteries and the northern England moors were amazing as were the five days in Barcelona experiencing Spanish culture and seeing something of Gaudi's genius. I left for Australia with mixed feelings, knowing it will probably be the last time I see my UK based family, but we were all emboldened and reassured that whatever happens in the future, the ongoing memories of our time together will sustain and comfort us all. Memories of people and experiences fade into the mists of time, but can be retrieved and relived. I feel all the better for my time with these special people. I am struggling to upload some photos to the blog, will do so soon with help from my 13 year old daughter Marli!!
Blessings to you all